I'm giving up my problems to the goddess. Usually I might abandon them to the universe but right now I feel the divine mother is the best holder of my shit. As you may know I'm currently pregnant and it's never been straightforward. Not at all. It's been one medical thing after another, and one potential problem followed by the next.
Each situation has had one thing in common, it has all been based on, 'if, buts and maybes'. I've had lists of potential problems presented to me but we actually know very little until baby is born. Some, none or all of the information we've received could be relevant. And of course I've allowed some of it to irk me and cause anxiety. Of course I have.
Each time this happens I find my way back to postivity. Today I reclaim my happy spirit and my pregnancy, I throw all the worry to the winds, I'm regaining the magic. I release any and all intention and simply ask that any or all divine goddess steps in. I trust that what will be is perfect and that my thoughts or fear plays no part in making that happen.
After making that decision I met a woman who was 13 weeks pregnant with her first child. Her crazy ass joy was infectious, it reminded me of me, first time round. I want a piece of that. So that's where I'm taking my thoughts. Down happy baby lane. I'm Allowing the chaotic aspects to be dealt with elsewhere. I suggest you all join me. Throw your problems to the goddess and invest yourself in the possibility of magic and wonder.
#spiritual #bringbackthegoddess #goddesses #birth #pregnancy #spiritualpregnancy #rebirth #instaquote #pregnant
Two bits of excellent news to report.
Since Poppyseed was released early (4 days ago) she has jumped really quickly up the book charts and given her mother (me) quite something to celebrate.
This morning she was at no.18 in amazon's wedding and pregnancy diary list. This afternoon she is at no.9 in that list and no.66 in pregnancy and childbirth books. This is out of millions of books. I am happily gobsmacked!
A few days, before release, she was sat languishing in the six figure mark, and now she is leaping up like crazy. Much like her namesake actually, who now having learned to walk, is attempting some very tricky climbing maneuvers. Oh how life reflects art!
This afternoon I was very happy to appear on BBC Leicester, with Rupal Rajani. You can listen back to this for a week here... In the interview I get emotional as I read from the book, and chat all about pregnancy, hypnobirthing, spirituality and stingy nipples! Enjoy!
I just had the most wonderful holiday. I'm exhausted. What is that about? Well I guess that is about having an 11 month old baby girl who will not conform to a hotel's schedule, or to anyone else's for that matter! And who said holidays should be about laying horizontally and absorbing nowt but sunrays? As much as I would have loved a little bit of laying around with a good book. It was not to be. This holiday brought other things to me.
It brought the kindness and love of strangers. Watching on as all of Tunisia serenaded and fussed my daughter as though she were the Queen.
It brought me an appreciation of my life in comparison to that of the very poorest of the poor. I speak of those who hang around hotels making a 'nuisance' of themselves with the tourists. I felt heavy with sympathy and a whole lot of gratitude that I have never had to beg, never had to expose a cancerous lump in my throat to strangers in the hope they may throw me a few pennies. We may well choose our lives before we come to this planet. We may each choose our lessons to learn. But by goddess does that spiritual line of thought not matter a damn jot when confronted with suffering. I am realigned in my life and brimming with graciousness.
My holiday, too, brought me closer to my loved ones. My little girl demanded my full attention, and whilst that is fairly usual, she needed more. And so I let her have it. In essence releasing any chance of my relaxing so that she might feel happy and content and so that her little teeth would not cause her too much pain. My husband, who works long hours, reacclimatised himself to the world of Momma and Ivy and we learned to appreciate each other once again. We found our Sync again, and it feels nice.
So it seems to me that holidays are not so much about relaxing. Well not for the next 16 years for me! They are about rediscovering that which we already know. We leave our ordinary life, so that we might reacquaint ourselves with the inner us, and the souls of our beloveds. And yes, that has left me exhausted. But I would relive it a million times over before I swapped it for a sunbed and sangria!
I just experienced something utterly irksome. Something I vowed I would never allow myself to feel. That little thing otherwise known as Mother's Guilt. The most vile thing about it, is that I'm not sure if I should be feeling guilty or not. Here is what happened...
Last night I read an article about Balinese Parenting in The Mother magazine. The Mother is an alternative natural parenting mag, and I love it. I am inspired by their ways of bringing up kids and it reflects my own beliefs that love and nurture reign high over discipline, authority and making baby abide by my timetable. As such my natural parenting style is to be very hands on, to pick baby up when she cries, to nurse her for comfort, to carry her in a sling, to be with her pretty much constantly for the past five months, to co-sleep, to breastfeed etc. I hadn't questioned my ability to do any of this, and presumed I had.
But then after reading the article on Balinese parenting, and their very hands on approach I began to question whether I had been as hands on as I should have been? The reason I questioned this is because baby rarely nurses for comfort anymore. So have I somehow trained her out of this? What have I done wrong that she doesn't need this anymore?
The worst thing about it is I can't remember what I did or did not do. The past five months are a bit of a blur. I know I always allowed baby to nurse on me to sleep when she wanted to. Occasionally I'd allow Grandma to rock her to sleep in the pram, and I do this alot now. But if she wanted the breast it would still be here for her. I fought a few battles in the early days and I do remember refusing dummies, and I do remember being confident that baby could nurse on me, even if she was there all day. I remember doing my research and being sure that I would happily allow baby to nurse to sleep and take long leisurely naps in my arms. But at the moment she doesn't seem to want it. in fact this is the second time she doesn't want it. A few weeks ago she had stopped nursing for comfort. But then during some developmental changes, she started again. And now, once again, it's stopped. I miss it too. Maybe I am grieving the loss of this little dependence. When I just now put Ivy down for her first nap of the day, she happily babbled herself to sleep. Maybe I have done nothing wrong... Maybe she is just learning to sleep all on her own.
That's the most miraculous thing about babies. I have found that even if you worry about something they are or are not doing, often within a week or so, they change anyway. They grow out of things. They do this on their own, without encouragement from Momma. Given alot of love and a little space they change and alter with the winds, leaving us parents flailing in the dust wondering what went right!
Maybe that is all that has happened here. Somewhere along the lines everything went right. I know many more disciplined parents would be over the moon at such a result! Maybe she doesn't nurse for comfort because she is happy and content and able to get the sleep she needs without being on me. And maybe instead of guilt I should be feeling pleased of my confident little girl, even if that is tinged with a little sadness because I miss her nuzzling to sleep in my arms.
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