This year has had me questioning everything. It's been a difficult space and I've experienced everything from elation to existential worries, from clarity to severe anxiety. It's been tough. I was ready to put all the things I love to the side. One of those things being tarot. Yet the signs and symbols have not let this happen. I've had a steady flow of reminders that 'tarot is my thing's. Culminating in my eldest presenting this to me last night. She had worked on it in secret whilst I put her sister to bed. It really moved me.  Not least because I had no idea she could do bubble writing!  But also beacuse the sentiment, is not one   I have ever expressed to her. Not in those words. But coming from her, it suddenly makes a sweet kinda sense. Tarot is my thing.
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2018 has called upon me to surrender more times than I'd like to recall. Starting with drama, then heart attacks and a long stint supporting recovery. Not to mention all the mini drama and crisis that domesticity and mother hood breeds... This post is prompted by a new level of Surrender. One decorated with small failings, illness, mistakes and disrespectful technology, that over the course of time start to feel like a boot into something other, some other mysterious next step...

Yet, like many a feisty woman before me, I keep dusting myself off, standing up and then promptly getting knocked back down again. On repeat. Without fail. Like a broken record. In this process I have started to take better note of the spiritual message presenting itself to me. Here is the wisdom I have gleaned from Surrender as a spiritual Practice (so far).

Surrender will tear the illusion of control from you repeatedly. You will accept your surrender to some extent, and soon after that you will attempt to get back up and be the boss of your life again. It doesn't work. Surrender has no time frame. You can't do it for a week, or a month and expect the 'same old same old' to change. Surrender is control totally annihilated. You don't choose when you get back up. It happens,it will. But you don't choose. For now, rest, be still, nurture the present. 

You cannot bargain with or set an intention for your surrender. To do so is not true surrender. It just isn't. That is your ego taking one last grasp at being in charge of your destiny. And when surrender is your spiritual lesson, your destiny, your fate, is no longer in your hands. 

Being in a state of surrender feels deeply unnatural to busy human people. And yet, every plant and creature ion this planet is surrendered to their circumstance. We tend to convince ourselves the sun rises at our whim. But as all plants know, you are only as blossomed as the rain that fell, and as only as strong as the next good frost. aNd to these things, you must surrender. There is no fight to be had. Curl back into your roots and wait. 

So often we battle to find the purpose, the answer to our conundrums of life. Surrender is about folding gently into the flow and letting it carry you. Trusting that it has a better outcome for you and your current dramas than you could possibly ever think up. And if not better, then different. Which may in time, turn out to be better... 

Surrender feels at times like a total lack of life. Nothing goes right, great plans falter, small plans never even make it past your mind, drama encroaches and your usual 'pick me ups' leave you dry. It's a tiresome and empty moment to be in. Yet when you really dig and delve into just being. With all thoughts and plans truly put to the side. There are gems of laughter, play and mini purpose that come rushing in. But you must sweep aside all else to allow them space to play. 

In real every day life Surrender can feel like a crumbling and a breaking away. Things go awry on every level. Stuff breaks and is lost, in a very tangible way, jewellery, clothes, cars. Your mind deserts you and what once was easy, is mired in a devout nothingness and as you urge the thoughts to be clear, so they become more foggy. Your body might ache, and appear, at times to be swollen with hormones, sneezes or mental confusion. This all is made worse, the more your resist. When you give over to Surrender, this stops, the signs and manifestations of it decease. You alert then swilling in a quieter moment. 

Surrender is mystery made manifest. While the space of total surrender, you don't know a damn thing. And for once, you areaway with that.You can give over to the fates or the gods or the cosmic alignments and let life do it's thing with you. Which is a relief is it not, from being the master planner of your own fortunes? Slide into it, trust it, let it take you where it will. For it will. 

Alice Grist is the author of Dirty & Divine and creator of The Cosmic Mother Tarot - both available to buy on this site.

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Becoming Vegan, was not, as I would have liked it to have been, for the animals, or even the environment. I have tried on those causes many times, and sadly failed, straddling a half way house instead - soya milk in my coffee and mozzarella on my pizza.

Nope, I was fairly well ensconced in the ignorant bliss of cheese world, and it took something huge to tip that scale. The deciding factor, the one that tipped me over the semi vegan edge, was my husband's heart attack at age 39.  Despite popular consumerist conception that we need meat and dairy for our protein and calcium, I found myself falling down a rabbit hole of compelling medical research suggesting the huge life supporting evidence of veganism (books references at end and highly recommended - don't wait till you have a heart attack though). Whilst many folks could not be convinced, choosing to lean on 1980's advertised wisdom instead. I was, however, susceptible to this fascinating new glut of information.  Life and death tends to do that for you.

So several weeks in and I have already noticed several wonderful and unexpected effects of this new plant based diet.

1) The first change, that came about, almost immediately, was a big boost in my energy. The past year had had it's way with me and I was so very lethargic. I could literally feel my muscles slackening and my physical motivation had left the room. A few days into veganism and I was back on the trampoline with the kids, laughing my damned head off. It wasn't a chore, it wasn't a hardship. It was fun, and I had the beans to do it, literally and metaphorically.

​2) Waking up in the morning was suddenly so easy. Instead of negotiating with a two year and and trying to find ways to let mummy lie down a bit longer. I was up with the larks.

3) On the opposite end, I was staying up later with no ill effects. My previous lethargy had lead to me going to bed not long after my kids, but now I'm staying up till (shock horror) 11pm! A massive me-time bonus for this tired mama! 

4) I feel more connected to my truth. Which sounds like a bit of a wishy washy concept. But it has aligned something in me that desperately needed aligning. Eating dairy products before came with guilt for me, because I know the horrors of that industry. So any such meal was one laden with regret. Now that I'm not dosing myself up on that, I feel clear, in line with my heart, and grateful for the food I consume. 

5) I haven't especially lost weight - that wasn't the reason behind this. However I've notices a flattening of my stomach and a general trimness of this old bod. Perhaps this is the healthier food, combined with the extra energy. Either way I feel I have halted the onset of middle agedness a little. 

6) As a spiritual writer and author, and a lover of tarot, my intuition and inspiration has been madly improved. Now my body isn't dealing with foods that made me feel sluggish I am free to explore my spiritual connection. To the point that last week I wrote a whole new book that seemed sent directly sent from a higher power. Yeah, that's pretty cool. 

7) My husband, who was a heavy meat eater pre-heart attack, and who is still partial to it, has seen some huge changes. He lost weight quickly and has enjoyed the meals prepared. Plus, I'm not gonna mince my words, our love life has improved. Exponentially. 19 years and 2 kids later - who knew! 

8) I don't miss what I was eating before - vegetarian. This new curve feels well overdue. And I have knocked together some pretty incredible meals. Everything can be veganised these days. Just this weekend I used a meat based curry recipe from The Curry Guy and turned it into a rich, creamy, better than the local takeaway style masala. It can be done! 

9) As a pizza lover, I figured this would be my biggest challenge. I thought cheese was the thing that made pizza so great. I have discovered that actually a good base, roast peppers, onion and a tonne of chilli, with a sprinkling of vegan cheese, is the bomb. And Hummus is a god send that makes a very happy garlic mayo alternative.

10) I feel alive. In so many ways. I am energised, excited and a little bit reborn. This has  opened doors and had me following my nose into new adventure - a cow sanctuary volunteer day was one such madcap adventure just this past Sunday. Aligning with self, inner knowing and being health focused has been a revelation! 

Follow my Vegan Journey, ups down and cooking successes at INSTAGRAM

​Recommended Reading: How Not To Die Dr Michael Greger and Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease by Caldwell B Esselstyn

This year has seen me struggling in ways I never have before. I remember a very similar slot of time during my late twenties. A period of having to step up and out of myself and into the next version of me, caused by external chaos and inner calamity. 2018 is looking to be very similar with a repetoire of ill fated health, drama and inner turbulence...
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I went to bed 2 nights ago utterly fed up with myself and asked the universe for a step up, an answer, a way forward. And that night in my dreams I was gifted an answer. A return to a plan I had a while ago that I never saw through.

Since then I have been inundated with signs and pointers at the most remarkable times to back that dream up. The plan has to do with crystals, rocks and magic. As I was speaking to my spiritual Dad about the plan and lazily gazing at the pebbles in my front drive, I spyed a fossil. Just laying there amongst the plain pebbles (see pixture at top). Later that night my daughter came home with an ammonite fake tattoo after a party. The card I pulled after the dream said specifially that I should rekindle goals and pay attention to guidance in my dreams. As I was in the car second guessing myself, I looked up to see a kitchen shop sign labelled 'quartz'. Which felt warm and cosy and synchronous after spending the morning trawling online for ethically sourced Quartz crystal!

Sometimes the signs are subtle and we find ourselvea unsure if they are really there. Othertime like now, they scream and shout.

More on this when Im ready. But for now my darling spiriys, watch this space!!!

​What undeniable sychronicity have you had the joy of lately? Lets chat in the comments!

Your weekly dose of Tarot Guidance... What awaits and what does the theme of your week ask of you...

If having a heart attack is what it takes to have you pick up your art again, then go ahead and have one I say. 😎😍💔💥This gig was emotional for me on so many levels. Seeing my husband alive and doing what he loves after a dark year. Hearing my daughter shout "you rock Daddy" between each song, and her manic joy after it was all over. Having a dance and a laugh in the sun whilst wearing glitter with one of my most precious friends. Watching The Beautiful South and knowing every word. Sometimes the best times you dont even see coming.

A full moon is a great time to open to possibility. A time to consider the events of the preceding month (and themes of the years) and step up from them. As the moon becomes whole and in her power, so we might borrow a little of her energy, her wholeness, so that we might feel less the weight of our problems and more the light of our potential. 

On this note... Pick a reading, Butterfly, Pine Cone or Spiral Snail Shell... Set an intent, make a wish, ask a question. Scroll down to uncover your potential for the month ahead...

Butterfly

The idea of the Butterfly is romantic isn't it? We presume that becoming a Butterfly is an easily accomplished task, and one that can happen in sleep almost. Well firstly, it's not that easy, but if you are drifting towards your Butterfly self unconsciously, and on the side of unhelpful behaviour, then the end result may not be as pretty as you expect...

So here is the crux. Get self aware. The time for playing small has passed, at least for a moment. It is time to get serious with yourself before life swoops in and makes the changes you refuse to make yourself. What could you be doing differently? What habit or addiction is getting the better of you? What is it that you keep saying you are going to change, but then you do nothing? Become conscious of the areas of your life you have let slip, the areas of pain or anxiety. And then become fierce in your self belief, your inner knowing, and cut the crap. Cut the behaviours that harm you. Cut the relations that make you feel shitty. Cut the self harming thoughts... 

Now is the time, my dear Butterfly for you to expand and grow. And it's all on you. Which is scary yeah, but it's also empowering. So choose to see the empowerment of getting fierce with yourself, and for your own good. No more excuses. You want to grow wings and fly? That's all on you. And you absolutely can, and only you know how. So again, before life takes over, make that choice, grow your chrysalis, become your own image. 

Thanks Butterfly... Scroll down to bottom for more powerful tarot guidance links from Alice 

Pine Cone

You have curled up tight because life has thrown some horrors at you. Not just recently, but maybe over a prolonged time. It's caused you to go in on yourself and become wary of anything new. And yet even inspite of this, there has been no let up. You are constantly being asked, by the cosmos, to get up, get out, take opportunities, do things... And maybe you resist. So each new thing becomes more of a challenge than it could be otherwise...

Little pine cone,it is time to unfurl a little.Feel the heat and know that not all will lead to pain. You could choose to live like that forever, always wary, always a little bit anxious, ready to grieve at every opportunity. Or you could let life open you up.Crack you wide open, and then share your innards, your vulnerability, your love, with a world that needs it.

There is a very real call for you to open up. And yes, I know, you've been hurt and frightened and worried. And what if, what if, what if? But all of that is only as real as your imagination.The choice here, is wallowing the fear your inner world has become.Or shift that inner world towards the greater things that actually reside around right now! 

Take opportunities, push yourself, consciously and purposefully see the good and potential in all things.Life is going to keep testing you, giving you situations, so go towards them open and ready rather than closed up and afraid. 

Thanks Pine Cone... Scroll down to bottom for more powerful tarot guidance links from Alice 

Spiral Snail Shell

You have overcome a great deal lately.That which once looked intimidating and uncomfortable, has become your world. You have taken difficulty, fear, ambition and hope and melded them into something real. The world has spiralled open to you.Nd now, rather than looking frightening and unknown,it looks bounteous, big and full of possibility.

Don't let this put you off! You are at a vital point in your growth.You are learning hat there is so much more possibility than you ever felt possibly. This could be another bridge to cross. As sometimes it's easier to think small.But you are being challenged, dared even, to think bigger. This can relate to all and everything you touch. Work, love, family, ambition, creativity, spiritual understanding.... You name it, you are being pulled toward it, and asked to understand your world in all new ways. A privilege and and a very real challenge.

The cards say though, that you will overcome, and once again find a comfortable place in which to reside.It won't be a rut though.It won't be a hole or a dusty rug.You will take the challenge and raise yourself beyond your own expectations, becoming a priestess, a queen, an expert of all that you choose to bring your attention to. 

Trust that this journey is no easy one, but it is immense in it's promise. Trust in you ability to grow beyond what you have known and follow the paths as they open...

​More Tarot Guidance for This Week with Alice's Vlog The Elevation...

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Here it is! My Elevation Vlog for the week ahead.Connect to your spirit, the themes of your world and ways to get higher and past your personal blocks!

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Came downstairs to find this lady in the kitchen trying to get out of the window - doesn't appear to be the cats doing. Let her go and she returned to scavenging in our garden. I've seen her several times before. Will be keeping my eye on her and more especially keeping the cats away from her.
\nMost especially love that she found her way in when I was planning my cosmicmother elevation Vlog for the week with the theme of getting higher from where you are. To be posted here tomorrow! Sign up at bottom to be notified...